For better or for worse, I have one of those faces that is incapable of hiding its true emotions. I used to resent that; now I accept it as a gift from the Lord, thanking Him for ensuring that I would ever be vulnerable yet remaining safe in Him. That's a pretty great place to be. It's actually part of what I am learning about love. I know what insecurity, fear and anger, and anxiety look like on my face, but when those emotions are redeemed by the Love of God, then peace, rest and confidence are compelled to make the right kind of lines all over it. Yes, this last month, I barely recognized myself. Where was this joy coming from? Why did I just want to talk to Him about everything? Is this the fruit the Word talks about that comes from abiding in Him? I should be freaking out about being homeless again soon; why isn't fretting the ticker tape of my everyday? Something is going on, and I think it has a lot to do with the CERTAINTY of His Love for me. I read this verse in 2 John the other day right at the beginning where John says that he was writing to a church "whom [he] love[d] in truth." Something about that struck me. There must be a way to love in falsehood if there is a way to love in truth. I feel like this is not necessarily new information. It lines up with the exposure the Ephesians undergo as seen in Revelation 2:4 "You have abandoned your first love." John was rightfully identifying (and by extension encouraging them to correct) their misguided placement of their affection. In some ways, who can blame them? Isn't there fierce competition for our affection these days? We divest our energy and attention nearly every moment until we are spread thin in every regard (emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally) and given Him our leftovers rather than our firstfruits. I have been guilty of this kind of second-rate, dare I say, chintzy kind of love. But the kind of love that John had for the church was utterly SINCERE. Totally genuine not only in words, but in practice. It was real. (That he had to clarify its sincerity only proves how much times have not changed.) This led me to my next realization: Love can only be real when it comes from the Author of it. There is no other actual source of love. All others pale. I need to know how He loves me if I am ever to love Him back and show it through the viaduct of the people He puts in my path. Isn't it crazy how Scripture somehow seems to gain truth strength as you mature in Christ? Like, how simple is this: "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). What was once merely a cause and effect has now become this ever-expanding phenomenon as I recognize the contrast between Source and Object. I am so thankful that He was willing to show me the authenticity of His love for me at the cross, to show me all of the literal and sacrificial nuances, spreading His arms wide open to be able to embrace me. I would be remiss if didn't mention the verse I have been chewing on in Ephesians: "Walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (5:2) The aroma of His love that pleased His Father was not a mystery. He made it VERY CLEAR that we were the ones for whom He was willing to die. While we were dead, he died so that through His life we too could have life (See Romans 5:8, 6:4). Love really is a matter of FACT. That's TRUE love. That's MY Love.
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