Dense morning fog forces slower driving. The gas pedal is more your enemy than your friend, and your hunched posture and squinting eyes are a natural consequence of intense focus on the road, though it is barely visible 50 feet ahead. There's no where to go but forward, despite the countless temptations to turn back. So, with a renewed clench on the wheel, you press on.
That has been where I have found myself lately, surrounded by this mist, perhaps a metaphor for my very life which "appears for a little while and then vanishes." (James 4:14). You see, I once again was faced with what felt like an uppercut to my heart, another devastating disappointment. It had all seemed perfect, divine really, so naturally my grip on it rather than my God grew tighter. The facade of an answer gave birth to false hope for my desperate circumstances. So, when He revealed that He was saying "Yes" to something better, many adjustments had to be made to a heart that had gotten out of whack. That thief was certainly sneaky this time; all he had to do was let me start piling my hope in heaps on what I thought could save me, forgetting Who is the One who Alone is my Deliverer. Guilty of trying to saddle up my own war horse, who is a "false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue" (Psalm 33:17), I confess that my eyes had shifted from their True Prize. And when my horse collapsed, so did I. I was struggling to face Him, my Best Friend. The depth of my hurt was great due to temporal and finite view on life; so He intervened and had to remind me of His Big Attributes: His Supremacy, Sovereignty, Omnipotence, Wisdom, Foreknowledge, and Immutability. I don't think this can be said enough in the midst of grieving a disappointment: when you feel as though your love toward Him has grown cold, and you have forgotten that His love toward you has not changed, focus on giving Him the respect and acknowledgement that He deserves. Regardless of whether He answers according to YOUR will, He is always answering according to HIS, which is good, pleasing, and perfect (Romans 12:2). I do not have His High and Holy vista; the Panoramic Plan is lost on me, but never on its Originator. As anyone who has ever gone through a transition knows, waiting can be painful. But it can also be life-giving if it is rightly handled, and there is only One Way to do so. It takes SUPERNATURAL STRENGTH, and there is only One Power able to give it to sustain you in the meanwhile. During Waiting Season, you are, in fact, the sitting duck you feel like, and only One Protector can shield you from being dinner for the Devil Dog. We must, then, take cover in the One Refuge who is our Shield, Jesus Christ. No, I'm not driving. I never was. When I try to yank on that wheel, I will certainly cause an accident in this thick haze, so it's a good thing, my Driver knows where He's taking me and will keep me safe every step of the way. Oh, sweet salvation! "This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles...When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the LORD delivers him out of them all...The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned." Psalm 34:6,17-19,22
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Are you familiar with the Land of In-Between? I've been traveling there recently, and I thought I would try and describe it to you, friend. You find yourself upright yet oddly suspended mid-air. It isn't that you can't move, but each gesture or shifting is more nuanced than fluid, making all movements impossibly unhurried and prolonged. You aren't fearful necessarily, but it does seem to require a new mindset to adjust to your new normal. While practically there appear to be obstacles, your mind remains at warp speed, at least the contrast is great between the capabilities of the internal software and the external hardware. Despite this realization, you make every effort to will your body to move, but all striving is indeed in vain. In the Land of The-Before, you had done your part; you had been faithful to do what He asked, but this new place is one of stillness and waiting, when it dawns on you that your mind is not the friend you thought it might be. You cannot be trusted because your Road Runner mind has already entered the Land of The-After where the transition is complete which does nothing to help your present circumstances. So how do you survive this strange environment? Is firm footing even possible in In-Between? Yes, of this God has convinced me so. The secret is not in looking ahead, it is in looking beyond to the Land of Soon. There you will find certainty. The Land of The-After cannot offer me any kind of specific answers, but the glorious Land of Soon? Oh, I know all kinds of things about that place. I know what I'll be doing: serving, glorifying, praising, following, and loving the King. I know when I'll be there: when He says so in accordance with His perfect plan. I know how I'll be there: by the blood of Jesus Christ ALONE. I know what my attitude will be there: inexpressibly joyful and at peace, for finally I will be complete. And the best part about it all is that I know WHO I'll be with: my Majestic Friend, Emmanuel, who has been with me in whatever Land my foot has trod! Oh praise His Faithful Name! So, while I am so tempted to sprint to the Land of The-After, forgetting that I am completely inept to manipulate time and space, my mind must remain in the Land of Soon if I have any hope of surviving the Land of In-Between. The gravitational effect of Truth then has its way with me, and stability is restored. I won't soon forget her face. Pure delight graced every inch of it, and she looked all over hoping that somone would share her elation. You see, all of her hard work and the eternity of standing patiently with her Dad was finally paying off. Of course, she knew it COULD happen, she sure hoped it WOULD happen, but the fact that it MIGHT NOT happen was a little hard to comprehend. Would it all be for nothing? But then, she felt it. The slight tug at the end of the line. Was that what she thought it was?...Wait, there it is again and a little stronger this time. She quickly looked over at her Dad because she knew she was going to need help. He smiled and came over to her aid, not to take the pole from her but to guide her, coach her through the process. Knowing that He was right next to her seemed to renew her confidence and little by little she managed to reel in a rather substantial fish, probably amazing herself most of all. God didn't have to allow her to catch one that day right as I was walking by, but His naturally impeccable timing allowed me to witness a beautiful picture of waiting, hope, delight, provision and guidance. He could have shown me this any time, but maybe I would've missed it which would have truly been a shame. Maybe I wouldn't have been in the midst of a transition so it wouldn't have had an impact. But it did. HE did. These words have been echoing in my heart this week, "Be their shepherd and carry them forever" (Psalm 28:9b) and "He will guide us forever" (Psalm 48:14). You see, my God doesn't change EVER. So, since He is my Shepherd now, my Guide, now, that will not end with my time on this earth. This is a BIG DEAL with ETERNAL IMPLICATIONS. The way I learn to follow Him pre-Heaven must be practice. It must be preparation for I have the privilege of being carried and led along towards something else He will have in store for me. Probably deeper into the Infinite Cavern of His Nature. Here's some really good news. I can get lost in Him NOW. The more I look at Him and His Goodness, His Love, His Person, the more I hide myself in Him by seeking Him, the less I worry about the rest of this earthly blip on the eternal radar. My scope broadens as humility changes the entire lens on which I look at life. The self-focus fades and my ability to view Him clarifies everything. No longer caught up in personal concerns because I see that to a degree it is not a problem I have to fix. Only HE can transform, so if my one goal is letting my Shepherd lead, letting Him be my Only, everything else gets taken care of. Oh, may He be my Tunnel Vision, everything else blocked out because His beauty holds my gaze! I pray I look at Him like that young fisherman looked at me, regardless of whether my earthly dreams come true. Because my heavenly ones will. I pray I always remember that my Leader is also my Emmanuel. Because His Presence enables me to do what I could never accomplish without Him. I pray that this In-Between of waiting is not void of watching for Him, with that eager and confident expectation that defines Hope, because He who never changes WILL come through. It's about to get REAL. I'm frowning. My fingers are poking letters like a bully, and it is only that prompting conviction of the Spirit that is divinely spurring me on. I would be totally fine if you stopped reading now; you don't really want to know these things anyway. Something annoyingly unexpected (from a temporal POV) and remarkably beautiful (from a more heavenly one) is happening in the midst of this sanctifying transition. Apparently, the Lord saw fit that His work in my heart would include some good ol' fashioned sin exposure. Yippee, I say. Sorry, that flesh just poked out her head again. Here I am, having my hope revived by my Savior that He is totally doing something AMAZING (because when is he NOT?) all the while I'm watching as He is increasing my faith in Himself, my One Firm Foundation. And then He comes along and WRECKS me with this verse: "if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:2b). BOOM. OUCH. Now, this wasn't exactly a sneak attack. He'd been alluding to this for the last week or so. He started with this one: "Behold, I am the one who has laid as a foundation in Zion, a stone, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone, of a sure foundation: whoever believes will not be in haste." (Isaiah 28:16). And the next day built on it with this: "that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19). And then there it was. Smack dab in the middle of a letter from Paul. The "rude awakening" that my soul would be happy to continue to ignore. Faith and Hope are SERIOUSLY significant, and yet they are the drumroll to the crescendo of Love (v. 13). Wherever He makes His dwelling place, the foundation He lays is always LOVE because He IS the Foundation (1 Cor. 3:11) and He goes by that Name "Love" too (1 John 4:8). And then there lies that daunting description, none of which legitimately comes naturally to me (v. 4-8a) Where would I be without His Holy Spirit living in me??? Praise GOD for His generosity in sharing His Spirit with me! Without Him, I cannot love. The ability to demonstrate agape (love that just wants to give, as my Dad would say) is proof of maturity in Christ. It is the "tallest of orders." It is grown-up faith and fully-formed hope. It is the sign of how secure I am in the fact that I am fully known by its Author. In the belly of the beast of Transition, how easy it is to focus on ourselves, to block out the needs of others, to prioritize our circumstances! I am SO VERY weak in this, ever failing, and therefore, always needing HIM. It's like He's trying to make me more like Him or something. True Love, help me, I pray. Fix this messed-up selfish bit of a heart that so often puffs itself up with importance. Keep me ever cognizant of the sheer volume (what this finite mind can comprehend) of your love for me, for there is no other way I can show that to others. Help me give up that petulant childishness for something better: loving like You. Amen. 30 Days. That number next to some kind of temporal indicator is still relative, I suppose. When context joins the party revealing that is the amount of time that remains for you to "get your life together," (i.e. get a new job to support yourself and find a place to live) it becomes something that raises eyebrows and might even get the occasional pulse racing. Foreknowledge of its imminence feels irrelevant, despite the guilt with which it is sometimes paired(procrastinators, unite!). What's a girl to do? Apparently, blogging seemed like a good idea, especially after last week's Valentine's series was such a lifter of my heart. I find myself highly motivated to squeeze the most glory out of this for His Name's sake as possible because I do love a refreshing lemonade. All day I have been vacillating between trusting my God and struggling to squash the anxiety that is rising. Sometimes I force music out of my throat or into my ears, rich hymns loaded with reminders of the value of trusting Him. I'll call someone who can preach truth to me. When the "pile" got too big today, I heard Him calling, His Spirit stirring me towards Him. This morning I read 1 Peter 1, and was reminded again what this trial is doing: "so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (v. 7-9) Oh yeah. Sanctification = present salvation. Of course, as the day went on, my heart "lost touch" with that truth. His beckoning was a reckoning of my current and needy heart condition. So, He sent Job 28. Oh, the work that man exerts that he might find precious metals! "Man puts an end to darkness and searches out to the farthest limit the ore in gloom and deep darkness... Man puts his hand to the flinty rock and overturns mountains by the roots. He cuts out channels in the rocks, and his eye sees every precious thing. He dams up the streams so that they do not trickle, and the thing that is hidden he brings out to light." (v. 3,9-11) Motivated by what that gold, silver, iron and copper can do for him, the individual goes to GREAT lengths and does HARD work resulting in something of value to him. But wisdom? It is NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE to find and NOTHING is comparable to it. “But where shall wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding? Man does not know its worth, and it is not found in the land of the living." (v. 12-13) And as if that wasn't clear enough: "It is hidden from the eyes of all living and concealed from the birds of the air." (v. 21) But there is One who Knows, Who not only did the "hard work" of searching it out, but is the Source of it. "God understands the way to it, and he knows its place. For he looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens... he saw it and declared it; he established it, and searched it out." (v. 23-24,27) Isn't that AMAZING?! One of the best parts about it all is that He has even REVEALED that Wisdom! "And he said to man, ‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.’” (v. 28) And Christ, the exact representation of God, IS therefore THE WISDOM OF GOD MANIFESTED (1 Cor. 1:24)! So, today, when I have no idea what to do, I know where to start AND finish. With the FEAR OF THE LORD. In reverential awe, I choose to acknowledge His sovereignty, omniscience, and power over all things, for nothing is hidden from Him or impossible for Him. I will joyfully praise Him in this transition, singing and celebrating the steadfast love of my God, Source of my Strength and Source of my Wisdom. |
Brittany Van RynWorking out thoughts with HIM. Archives
February 2017
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